"Sometimes "healing" comes in the form of strength to get you through even just the night, while believing fully and having that peace that everything will be okay"  

My friend said this in the midst of some crazy things happening in her life, and some of this blog entry is what I had written as a response of how her words described a season of sorts that I am in right now. I feel like right now God is putting me into a place of REFUGE, and recuperation, that Jesus is calling me into a place of relying on him more fully and in the process he's moulding my  heart to better fit into his.

I feel like this is part of the reason why believing that I can have healing, or that I am fully healed, is so hard sometimes. Because it's difficult to fully place myself into Jesus' hands and let him BE MY PEACE. I'm so stubborn and somehow I've been so tricked into the lie that maybe it's not going to be okay even though the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE says that it will be okay, in the end. I get worried that maybe it will happen again. That I will be hurt by someone else's actions. That I will have depended on someone too much so that when they let me down my life will go crashing down with it. And you know what? That's just a sign that I'm not entirely healed up yet. And I can say "it's been six years", or "it's been three years", or whatever, but time does not heal all wounds. Peace that Jesus has felt with my issues of the past and peace in how he is going to deal with my future is how I will know that I am healing.

Jesus is my peace. He's my security. My shelter from the storm.





Sometimes when
           You think you're pushing your movement, your manner, your message

it comes to light that maybe
those pushing things are just boxes
some filled with good intentions
       with valid points
            and valid dreams
                                    but also with those fears

You use busyness to cover that business
                   that never got taken care of.
That ambition is just sitting on top of
    the one time
                    when that one person
made a choice, of their own volition
that left you, head, heart, and mind
                 reeling, spinning

And now after the aftermath
moving out, moving on, pushing those boxes
            you're left without peace
and not because you didn't forgive
Oh no you forgave
but because you never left that war zone

Guard up
                battle gear
the sea is calm but you act like the war's still here

And maybe,            just maybe
       it's time you come out
              into the meadow land
and let someone dress those scabbed over battle wounds
It's time you rested while someone else
takes the first watch
         and the second
         and the third

Rest for our souls
Peace for our minds
And healing in letting go